DDDDD IIIII SSSS ''' ''' ''' DDDDD A TTTTT D D I S S ''' ''' n ''' D D A A T D D I S ' ' nnnnnn ' D D A A T D D I SSSS ' ' n n ' D D A A T D D I S n n D D AAAAAAA T D D I S S n n D D A A T DDDDD IIIII SSSS n n DDDDD A A T "All Disney news fitted to print" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 2 Number 2 February 94 Edition --------------------------------------------------------------------------
In this issue...
Even if Disney's problems were entirely Michael's fault, it is totally unreasonable that he should be punished in this way. Remember the good things that he has given us: The return of animation to the studio, the increase in quality live-action movies, Hollywood Pictures, The Mighty Ducks of Anaheim, to name but a few. Michael, being a family man, is now probably under a lot of strain at home trying to make ends meet. I can certainly think what would happen if my income were suddenly lowered by 90%.
We at DIS' 'n' DAT have decided to petition the Disney Channel to allow us to put on a 24-hour telethon to raise some money so that Michael and his family can continue to live in the manner to which they have been accustomed.
On an unrelated note, I have been having some problems recently with noises on my personal phone line. I called the phone company, and they sent somebody out. My wife should have been alerted by the fact that the repairman arrived wearing Mickey Mouse ears, but she was really preoccupied with the kids having chicken pox. Anyway, we are now greeted with a cheery feminine voice saying "Please hold..." when we pick up the phone, followed by a strange dial tone. Conversations are getting more and more difficult since there's this little BEEP that occurs every so often that makes me sound like I'm calling from Tranquility Base.
Other odd things have been happening as well. For instance, my home mortgage has been recently picked up by an outfit in Orlando, Florida, which is demanding payment in full in the next ten days. I've also heard stories from friends about calls they have been receiving from some organization asking very personal questions about me. And I have found some evidence that my account at lar3ry@world.std.com seems to have come under some sort of attack.
The attack on my account is very interesting. For instance, I found most of my files containing articles for DIS' 'n' DAT had disappeared. [After my computer problems late last year, I've kept up-to-date backups and the files were easily restored.] This morning, however, I found that the password to my account had been changed. I have contacted the system administrator and have managed to get back into my account to post the newsletter.
My only guess here is that it seems that DIS' 'n' DAT is (finally) starting to ruffle some feathers at the Disney company. If this is true, then it means that the newsletter is right on track!
I don't want to worry any of the readers, however. The fact that I'm still able to post this newsletter should assure one and all that everything is well and that I can indeed prevail. I intend to continue to publish this newsletter, under any and all adverse conditions without a thought of
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DDDDD IIIII SSSS ''' ''' ''' DDDDD A TTTTT D D I S S ''' ''' n ''' D D A A T D D I S ' ' nnnnnn ' D D A A T D D I SSSS ' ' n n ' D D A A T D D I S n n D D AAAAAAA T D D I S S n n D D A A T DDDDD IIIII SSSS n n DDDDD A A T "All Disney news fitted to print" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 2 Number 2 February 94 Edition --------------------------------------------------------------------------
In this issue...
To further our objectives, we will no longer consider articles
submitted by people with numerical digits in his/her name.
And if any of our readership can tell us the whereabouts of the
previous editor (we have last heard that he is somewhere in New
England), please do their Disney Duty and send whatever evidence they
have to us at lar3ry@world.std.com.
Please do not attempt to contact this "person" - we don't want
any of our readership to get tainted in any way.
Now that this publication is being published by the Disney company, I
have the opportunity as the new editor to improve upon the
questionable standards set by my predecessor.
I will make this publication a forum for the absolute TRUTH, as
defined by us here at DIS' 'n' DAT.
In keeping with this high standard, I have decided to make this
publication more open.
For the first time, we are going to print letters from our readership
(and even answer questions).
We are considering accepting contributions from outside our
organization, but have yet to find anybody that can uphold our hight
standards of authorship, integrity, and (especially) impartiality as
regards the Disney family.
For the first time, this newsletter is being made available in print,
and we have extended the circulation considerably to include all
theater owners located in strategic markets.
Welcome to the DIS' 'n' DAT family!
As a special New Years gift to our readership, we have attached six
tickets to a very special home game of the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim,
to be followed by a special screening of the second of what Mr.
Eisner promises is going to be a VERY long series of movies... Mighty
Ducks II.
Emilio Estevez will be on hand to autograph programs.
For those of you located outside the Anaheim area, we have also
included round-trip tickets for first class air transport and a
two-night stay at the Disneyland Hotel (all expenses paid).
Note that this is a "Thank You" gift, and is not to be considered
any type of bribe or inducement of any kind.
I am a bit confused.
I've recently read a press release from Disney that stated something
like "with the astounding success of Euro-Disney, we announce a new
park to open in Virginia to be called Disney's America."
This seems to go against everything that I have been hearing in the
other news media (Wall Street Journal, CNBC, New York Times, the
nightly news, etc.).
Can you explain this dichotomy of opinions?
A Confused Reader
Dear DIS' 'n' DAT,
What is the official way to pronounce the names Michael Eisner and
Jeffrey Katzenberg?
Curious in Colorado
Dear DIS' 'n' DAT,
I had heard a rumor last year that Touchstone was attempting to secure
the rights to _The Elephant Man_ and issue a remake.
Is there any truth in this?
Touched in Toledo
Readers of this publication may already know about our announcement of
Disney's America in Virginia and the 42nd street rehab in New York
City.
We are pleased to announce our new concept of mini-parks, which will
be known as "Disney Lite."
Disney Lite presents an answer to problems faced in uncertain times.
It is no longer economically feasible to build and maintain the
mammoth parks that we have been identified with up to now.
Creating smaller parks in many locations and on a smaller scale
will make each park less affected by global economic downturns.
Parks are being considered in various places around the world.
One of the Disney-Lite theme parks will be a water park in Melbourne,
Australia based on the characters from The Little Mermaid to be called
Atlantica.
In the Mid East, we will build a Disney-Lite park devoted to the
mysteries of King Tut, which will consist of the total renovation of
one of the pyramids at Giza, Egypt into a very large scale Phantom
Manor exhibit.
We will open another Disney-Lite water park at Niagara Falls in New
York and Ontario, Canada.
In this park, guests will be presented with an opportunity to go over
the falls in a barrel.
We are also in the midst of negotiations with the United States
Department of the Interior to purchase the Grand Canyon for what can
only be described as "the largest, longest, and most totally
awesome roller coaster ever imagined."
With the economic success of the full-service restaurants at the
Disney theme parks and the astounding success of the Disney Store
concept around the world, we are announcing plans to open a line of
restaurants throughout America and eventually throughout the world.
The restaurants will have differing themes depending on their
location, and each will feature character walk-arounds and a "Very
Special Character Brunch" on Sundays.
The first will have a Snow White theme and will be called "The Hard
Doc Cafe" and will be located within Disney's 42nd Street rehab in
New York City.
The second, scheduled to open in San Francisco, will also have a Snow
White theme and will be called "The Fisherman's Dwarf."
Future restaurant plans are underway for "Trader Mic's" in Los
Angeles, "The Fountain-Blue Fairy" in Miami, and a chain of frozen
confectionaries to be located within shopping malls called "Disney
on Ice."
DIS' 'n' DAT Editorial
This is my first issue of DIS' 'n' DAT in the position of Editor.
The previous editor is being dealt with severely by the Disney
Security Team (The Unimagine-Ears).
You may also notice that most of the regular contributors are no
longer with us.
As is common in these situations, the Disney Security Team has paid a
visit to all of these people's houses and confiscated all computer
equipment and software, and any Disney paraphernalia found.
Martin Delaney's youngest child, Ophelia, has also been confiscated
since she was conceived after his employment with the Disney company
(like all employees, Martin signed a comprehensive non-disclosure
agreement).
The little girl is doing well, and is being reprogrammed by the Disney
psychologists.
Letters to DIS' 'n' DAT
Dear DIS' 'n' DAT,
There is no dichotomy.
The news reports you have heard about alleged financial problems
experienced in Euro-Disney are
FALSE.
There is no truth to these rumors; attendance is extremely high, and
we have actually had to close our gates occasionally because the park
was over-crowded.
We would have thought by now that people like you would have learned
that you should get all your Disney information from us, who know the
"TRUEFACTS"
and not those cheap purveyors of so-called "news" that
you mention in your letter.
Get on the ball!
This is a common enough question and we are only too happy to answer
it.
Actually, the procedure is very similar to both names.
When uttering these two names, you must bow your head and briefly
kneel on your right knee while you trace our famous "Disney" logo
in the air in front of you with your right hand.
The difference between the two names is that for Mr. Katzenberg, you
bow your head much lower (almost to the floor) and face Morton's.
And always remember, if you are in his presence, you refer to him as
"Mr." Katzenberg (NEVER utter his first name in his presence),
and offer to kiss his right shoe.
It is true that Mr. Katzenberg had attempted to secure the rights to
that story.
This was a few years ago, and he had gone ahead and had a special
treatment of the story and script written in anticipation of the
successful outcome of the negotiations.
The story was slated for release under the Disney label (not
Touchstone).
However, negotiations broke apart with Brooksfilms, which owns the
screen rights to the story.
Mr. Katzenberg didn't want to discard the script, which he described
as "Brilliant!"
He found that with a minimal change in the plot, very little of the
dialog or songs needed to be rewritten.
The movie was eventually released as "Newsies" a year or two ago.
What's Happening...
We are pleased to announce the signing of Mike Myers, of Saturday
Night Live fame, to an exclusive multi-media deal.
One of the immediate impacts of this deal entails the replacement of
the children's dolls in a current Disneyland attraction with two large
heavy metal cult audio-animatronic figures.
The theme music for the exhibit will be changed to include music from
the rock group _Queen_, which as you no doubt recall has a Hollywood
Records distribution deal.
The exhibit will be re-christened to "It's a Wayne's World"
and is expected to draw back the sagging attendance of the original
ride, which was originally constructed for the 1964-1965 New York
Worlds Fair.
The deal also settles a year old legal dispute between Myers and
the Disney Feature Animation group over a line uttered by Iago in
the hit "Aladdin" in which the parrot follows a sentence with
Myers' trademark "NOT!"
Top Ten Reasons Why Disney is Tops!
With the concept of Top Ten Lists introduced by David Letterman, we
have decided to create our own version of this bit of Americana.
Our writers have decided to try their hand at humor, and now present...