DDDDD IIIII SSSS ''' ''' ''' DDDDD A TTTTT D D I S S ''' ''' n ''' D D A A T D D I S ' ' nnnnnn ' D D A A T D D I SSSS ' ' n n ' D D A A T D D I S n n D D AAAAAAA T D D I S S n n D D A A T DDDDD IIIII SSSS n n DDDDD A A T "All Disney news fitted to print" __________________________________________________________________________ Volume 2 Number 10 November 94 Edition __________________________________________________________________________ Special "Best of DIS' 'n' DAT" issue... o Disney Executive Theme Songs o Parisian Fright o Euro-Disney: What, Me Worry? o Top 10 Reasons Why the Mighty Ducks Didn't Make the Playoffs o Ode to the Disney Legal Department o Top Ten Other Reasons that Sparky Resigned __________________________________________________________________________ Disney Executive Theme Songs __________________________________________________________________________ Watching Disney in action from the outside is what we do here at DIS' 'n' DAT. However, watching the executives' movements sometimes can be rather boring. We have decided that we could liven things up by writing a couple of theme songs for two of the most notable executives. The first one takes it's music from the theme song of a 1950's Disney television show starring Guy Williams set in old Las Angeles... Out from the night, when the full moon's in sight Comes the masked man known as "Katzenburg." Shorter than heck, through your scripts carves an "X", The "X" from Mr. Katzenburg. Katzenburg... the runt that's made of latex Katzenburg... who makes the sign of the "X" Since we were already thinking about old television shows, it was only natural to use another one for the head honcho himself. This theme song comes from another popular 1950's Disney series, this one starring Fess Parker... November 94 DIS' 'n' DAT Page 2 Up from a-nother comp'ny's stu-di-o Came a new and diff'rent C-E-O. His moves are bold And they turn to gold - But why he hired Sparky we will never know. Michael... Michael Eisner King of the Disney Frontier Brought back animation to the stu-di-o Just when ev'rybody thought that it would go. Aladdin could command Sales over 200 grand - Which is what he got converting stock to dough! Michael... Michael Eisner The Genie in the Disney Frontier Paris losing money now, and that's for sure. In Japan the yen is rising and the crowds are poor. And "park hopping" is a NO When you're in Or-land-o... Pretty soon they'll lose money, on a-l-l four Michael... Michael Eisner King of the Disney Frontier The movie operation now is pretty set, In-creasing profits as well as their net. Hocus Pocus was meek - And showed where they're weak... So, when will we see one without Bruce or Bette? Michael... Michael Eisner King of the Disney Frontier The Ducks were a hit on the silver screen Now Michael's doing something that is seldom seen Started a franchise With untalented guys Truth be told, on the ice, they are ra-ther green. Michael... Michael Eisner King of the Disney Frontier __________________________________________________________________________ Parisian Fright by Amberle Ferrian __________________________________________________________________________ Copyright (c) 1994 Amberle Ferrian. Permission is hereby granted to dis- tribute this parody freely for nonprofit use, so long as this copyright notice is present and credit is given to the author of this work. Sung to the tune of "Arabian Nights" from Disney's _ALADDIN_, music by Alan Menken, lyrics by Howard Ashman written by Amberle Ferrian Over two years ago, a new Disney park was opened. This park has that je ne sais quoi which has made it the source of material for numerous jokes, some of them published in DIS' 'n' DAT. November 94 DIS' 'n' DAT Page 3 To avoid the appearance of shooting fish in a barrel, DIS' 'n' DAT has toned down its coverage of Euro Disney in the past couple of months. Unfortunately, this has only created a tremendous backlog of song parodies at the DIS' 'n' DAT editorial desk. We've decided that we have waited long enough, and we now present an article by our new contributing editor. With all the financial ills facing EuroDisney now, you might imagine the narrator of ALADDIN to be singing a different tune had he introduced this theme park instead of the movie... There's a park that they built, out in faraway France That has lost near a billion bucks And they say it's so great With that same song-and-dance But attendance, you know, it sucks They've got one in the East And a park in the West Where they man-age to do things right Write it off It'll die There's no reason to try This colossal Parisian fright Parisian fright! The Parisians say, "They built their hotels That's all fine and well But there's no one who'd stay." Parisian fright! That Parisians shun No reason to pay A fortune a day It's not that much fun __________________________________________________________________________ Euro-Disney: What, Me Worry? __________________________________________________________________________ Michael Eisner at the annual shareholders meeting said that he was not really able to comment on the negotiations that are going on between the banks and the management of Euro-Disney. Most people have taken this to mean that there are serious issues being discussed. However, a Disney inciter (Deep Fins), has given us the INSIDE INFOR- MATION, and it appears that things are not really what they seem. After an exclusive interview, we've put everything to music, using a rock and rolling number sung by Billy Joel as the Dodger in Oliver & Company: First we say we're losing bucks, Then we say attendance is up. You might think we're all some shmucks, That is how we'll all clean up. November 94 DIS' 'n' DAT Page 4 (Singing...) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa We're market-wise, So we improvise. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa We know bank talk, And we'll tell 'em, "Take a Walk!" Why should we worry? Why should we care? Think we don't have a dime? Well, we got bank savoire faire. Why should we worry? Why should we care? We've conned the whole pop-u-lation -- For we got bank savoire faire. We're all just sitting pretty. For once they find we've turned around, Our fortunes will abound, And we'll wear the crown. Why should we worry? Why should we care? They think we're out of time, But we got bank savoire faire. Why should we worry? Why should we care? We've conned more than just one nation. And we got bank savoire faire. We're thumbin' our nose, And we're laughin' in fits, At the bankers in a frenzy When they see our deficits! Why should we worry? Why should we care? By God, we've fooled them all the time... 'Cause we got bank savoire faire. __________________________________________________________________________ Top 10 Reasons Why the Mighty Ducks Didn't Make the Playoffs by Amberle Ferrian __________________________________________________________________________ Yes, folks... in a sport where just about every team advances to the endless post-season, the Ducks are one of the very few teams sitting on the sidelines. Of course, no team really likes to admit defeat. As a public service to those brave team members, we now present: November 94 DIS' 'n' DAT Page 5 Top Ten Reasons Why the Mighty Ducks Didn't Make the Playoffs 10. Jeffrey Katzenberg insisted on playing goalie 9. Kids from the Mighty Ducks movies beat them in an exhibition match 8. Players left in disgust when Eisner prohibited fighting to promote wholesome Disney family fare 7. Mascot got caught in a giant mousetrap 6. Too many players on injured list after Disney signed a movie con- tract with Tonya Harding and gave her directions to Arrowhead Pond instead of the studio by mistake 5. _You_ try to check someone when you're in a Donald Duck Walk- Around costume 4. The FDA and NHL sued Disney when they learned that the pucks were really leftover hamburger patties from Tomorrowland Terrace 3. Black Mickey Mouse mourning bands worn after Frank Wells' death choked off circulation in the players' arms 2. Team roster continually mixed up with "Disney's World on Ice" ros- ter And the number one reason why the Mighty Ducks didn't make the playoffs is... 1. Home-court ice became jinxed after Walt was found in it __________________________________________________________________________ Ode to the Disney Legal Department by Amberle Ferrian __________________________________________________________________________ Sung to the tune of "Heigh Ho," from _SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS_, music by Frank Churchill, lyrics by Larry Morey. Copyright (c) 1994 Amberle Ferrian. Permission is hereby granted to distribute the parody freely for nonprofit use, so long as this copyright notice is present and credit is given to the author of this work. The other thing better than Disney's Feature Animation department, of course, is their legal staff. This little ditty is dedicated to their ceaseless and tireless efforts in preserving one of America's greatest traditions. No, not the Disney Company itself, but rather something the Mouse likes to do... They sue sue sue sue sue sue sue in the courts the whole day through To sue sue sue sue sue sue sue is what the Disney lawyers do And when they sue they can be cruel Like when they sued that-lit-tle day care school! Mickey Mouse! Mickey Mouse! Don't you paint him on that house! November 94 DIS' 'n' DAT Page 6 Oh no! Oh no! It's off to court you go! You're now too late! They'll litigate! Oh no! Oh no, oh no! Oh no! Oh no! There's no case high or low For Disney's taste It's you they'll waste Oh no! Oh no, oh no, oh no! They sue sue sue sue sue sue sue, 'cause it's "trade-mark in-fringe-ment!" They sue sue sue sue sue sue sue - they never seem to quit But when it's their turn, they won't show That Kimba came thirty years a-go! They are glad! They are glad! That Te-zu-ka is-n't mad! Oh no! Oh no! The Disney lawyer show (Whistle) Oh no, oh no, oh no! Oh no, oh no! Let's hope DIS' 'n' DAT won't go! (Whistle) Oh no! Oh no, oh no, oh no! Oh no! __________________________________________________________________________ Top Ten Other Reasons that Sparky Resigned __________________________________________________________________________ DIS' 'n' DAT is saddened to note that Disney Studio Chief Jeffrey Katzenberg has announced his resignation. It has been rumored for months that his reasons are apparent, however, one of our Disney Inciters (Deep Bypass) has informed us that there were other mitigating factors that helped him make his decision. Since we know that our readers want the real low-down on this, DIS' 'n' DAT presents, from the home office of "I'll Sue" City: Top Ten Other Reasons that Sparky Resigned 10. Having office moved next to the mail room was the last straw. 9. Animators threatened a walkout when he suggested that they should redo the animation for _Pocahontas_ and make the two main charac- ters a Meerkat and a Wart Hog. 8. Waiters at Morton's always keep calling him "Woody." November 94 DIS' 'n' DAT Page 7 Top Ten Other Reasons that Sparky Resigned 7. Eisner re-appropriated money for _Cabin Boy II_ to make yet another Mighty Ducks movie called, _D3: In 3-D_. 6. Having to spend every Tuesday and Thursday in that damn mouse suit with kids slobbering all over him got to be too much. 5. Broadway's _Beauty and the Beast: A New Musical_ only got one crummy Tony award. 4. Just found out that it was his own Picasso that he gave to Robin Williams. 3. First pencil tests from _Hunchback_ shows Quasimodo as a short, balding runt with glasses. 2. Really needs to settle down and spend some "quality time" with his accountants. And the number one other reason that Sparky resigned... 1. Finally gave up after unsuccessful attempt to alter the theme parks' "Hidden Mickeys" to "Hidden Jeffreys." __________________________________________________________________________ DIS' 'n' DAT is an on-line newsletter published monthly by Larry Gensch. Copyright (C) 1994 Larry Gensch, except where individual copyright is retained by the authors. All rights reserved. Anything may be reprinted in whole or in part with proper attribution to DIS' 'n' DAT. With the exception of paid commercials, all incidents, situations, and events depicted or described in DIS' 'n' DAT are fictional, and any similarity, without satiric intent, of characters presented therein to living persons, toons, alleged NHL teams, or Disney executives or lawyers is purely coin- cidental. So get a life, OK? __________________________________________________________________________ CONTRIBUTIONS Contributions to DIS' 'n' DAT are ALWAYS welcome! People wishing to con- tribute should send email to the publication at the internet address "." Please state explicitly if you wish to retain copy- right or anonymity for any material submitted. The editor assumes no lia- bility for unsolicited material of any kind. __________________________________________________________________________ STAFF EDITOR-IN-CHIEF / PUBLISHER lar3ry gensch November 94 DIS' 'n' DAT Page 8 CONTRIBUTING EDITOR Amberle Ferrian __________________________________________________________________________ AVAILABILITY DIS' 'n' DAT is posted monthly to the Usenet newsgroup rec.arts.disney just prior to the calendar month of the issue date. Two mailing lists are maintained for this newsletter. To subscribe, send email to and state whether you wish to receive either the ASCII or the PostScript version. 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