DIS' 'n' DAT

"All Disney news fitted to print"
Volume 2 Number 10 ----- November 94 Edition

Special "Best of DIS' 'n' DAT" issue...

Disney Executive Theme Songs

Watching Disney in action from the outside is what we do here at DIS' 'n' DAT. However, watching the executives' movements sometimes can be rather boring. We have decided that we could liven things up by writing a couple of theme songs for two of the most notable executives. The first one takes it's music from the theme song of a 1950's Disney television show starring Guy Williams set in old Las Angeles... 
Out from the night, when the full moon's in sight
Comes the masked man known as "Katzenburg."
Shorter than heck, through your scripts carves an "X",
The "X" from Mr. Katzenburg.

Katzenburg... the runt that's made of latex
Katzenburg... who makes the sign of the "X"

Since we were already thinking about old television shows, it was only natural to use another one for the head honcho himself. This theme song comes from another popular 1950's Disney series, this one starring Fess Parker... 

Up from a-nother comp'ny's stu-di-o
Came a new and diff'rent C-E-O.
His moves are bold
And they turn to gold -
But why he hired Sparky we will never know.
Michael... Michael Eisner
King of the Disney Frontier

Brought back animation to the stu-di-o
Just when ev'rybody thought that it would go.
Aladdin could command
Sales over 200 grand -
Which is what he got converting stock to dough!
Michael... Michael Eisner
The Genie in the Disney Frontier

Paris losing money now, and that's for sure.
In Japan the yen is rising and the crowds are poor.
And "park hopping" is a NO
When you're in Or-land-o...
Pretty soon they'll lose money, on a-l-l four
Michael... Michael Eisner
King of the Disney Frontier

The movie operation now is pretty set,
In-creasing profits as well as their net.
Hocus Pocus was meek -
And showed where they're weak...
So, when will we see one without Bruce or Bette?
Michael... Michael Eisner
King of the Disney Frontier

The Ducks were a hit on the silver screen
Now Michael's doing something that is seldom seen
Started a franchise
With untalented guys
Truth be told, on the ice, they are ra-ther green.
Michael... Michael Eisner
King of the Disney Frontier

Parisian Fright

by Amberle Ferrian

Copyright (c) 1994 Amberle Ferrian. Permission is hereby granted to distribute this parody freely for nonprofit use, so long as this copyright notice is present and credit is given to the author of this work.

Sung to the tune of "Arabian Nights" from Disney's _ALADDIN_, music by Alan Menken, lyrics by Howard Ashman written by Amberle Ferrian <amberle@epx.cis.umn.edu>

Over two years ago, a new Disney park was opened. This park has that je ne sais quoi which has made it the source of material for numerous jokes, some of them published in DIS' 'n' DAT.

To avoid the appearance of shooting fish in a barrel, DIS' 'n' DAT has toned down its coverage of Euro Disney in the past couple of months. Unfortunately, this has only created a tremendous backlog of song parodies at the DIS' 'n' DAT editorial desk. We've decided that we have waited long enough, and we now present an article by our new contributing editor.

With all the financial ills facing EuroDisney now, you might imagine the narrator of ALADDIN to be singing a different tune had he introduced this theme park instead of the movie... 

There's a park that they built, out in faraway France
That has lost near a billion bucks
And they say it's so great
With that same song-and-dance
But attendance, you know, it sucks

They've got one in the East
And a park in the West
Where they man-age to do things right
Write it off
It'll die
There's no reason to try
This colossal Parisian fright

Parisian fright!
The Parisians say,
"They built their hotels
That's all fine and well
But there's no one who'd stay."

Parisian fright!
That Parisians shun
No reason to pay
A fortune a day
It's not that much fun

Euro-Disney: What, Me Worry?

Michael Eisner at the annual shareholders meeting said that he was not really able to comment on the negotiations that are going on between the banks and the management of Euro-Disney. Most people have taken this to mean that there are serious issues being discussed.

However, a Disney inciter (Deep Fins), has given us the INSIDE INFORMATION, and it appears that things are not really what they seem. After an exclusive interview, we've put everything to music, using a rock and rolling number sung by Billy Joel as the Dodger in Oliver & Company: 

First we say we're losing bucks,
Then we say attendance is up.
You might think we're all some shmucks,
That is how we'll all clean up.

(Singing...)
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
We're market-wise,
So we improvise.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
We know bank talk,
And we'll tell 'em, "Take a Walk!"

Why should we worry?
Why should we care?
Think we don't have a dime?
Well, we got bank savoire faire.
Why should we worry?
Why should we care?
We've conned the whole pop-u-lation --
For we got bank savoire faire.

We're all just sitting pretty.
For once they find we've turned around,
Our fortunes will abound,
And we'll wear the crown.

Why should we worry?
Why should we care?
They think we're out of time,
But we got bank savoire faire.
Why should we worry?
Why should we care?
We've conned more than just one nation.
And we got bank savoire faire.

We're thumbin' our nose,
And we're laughin' in fits,
At the bankers in a frenzy
When they see our deficits!

Why should we worry?
Why should we care?
By God, we've fooled them all the time...
'Cause we got bank savoire faire.

Top 10 Reasons Why the Mighty Ducks Didn't Make the Playoffs

by Amberle Ferrian

Yes, folks... in a sport where just about every team advances to the endless post-season, the Ducks are one of the very few teams sitting on the sidelines.

Of course, no team really likes to admit defeat. As a public service to those brave team members, we now present:

Top Ten Reasons Why the Mighty Ducks Didn't Make the Playoffs
10.
Jeffrey Katzenberg insisted on playing goalie
9.
Kids from the Mighty Ducks movies beat them in an exhibition match
8.
Players left in disgust when Eisner prohibited fighting to promote wholesome Disney family fare
7.
Mascot got caught in a giant mousetrap
6.
Too many players on injured list after Disney signed a movie contract with Tonya Harding and gave her directions to Arrowhead Pond instead of the studio by mistake
5.
_You_ try to check someone when you're in a Donald Duck Walk-Around costume
4.
The FDA and NHL sued Disney when they learned that the pucks were really leftover hamburger patties from Tomorrowland Terrace
3.
Black Mickey Mouse mourning bands worn after Frank Wells' death choked off circulation in the players' arms
2.
Team roster continually mixed up with "Disney's World on Ice" roster
And the number one reason why the Mighty Ducks didn't make the playoffs is...
1.
Home-court ice became jinxed after Walt was found in it

Ode to the Disney Legal Department

by Amberle Ferrian

Sung to the tune of "Heigh Ho," from _SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS_, music by Frank Churchill, lyrics by Larry Morey. Copyright (c) 1994 Amberle Ferrian. Permission is hereby granted to distribute the parody freely for nonprofit use, so long as this copyright notice is present and credit is given to the author of this work.

The other thing better than Disney's Feature Animation department, of course, is their legal staff. This little ditty is dedicated to their ceaseless and tireless efforts in preserving one of America's greatest traditions. No, not the Disney Company itself, but rather something the Mouse likes to do... 

They sue sue sue sue sue sue sue
in the courts the whole day through
To sue sue sue sue sue sue sue
is what the Disney lawyers do

And when they sue they can be cruel
Like when they sued that-lit-tle day care school!
Mickey Mouse!  Mickey Mouse!
Don't you paint him on that house!

Oh no!  Oh no!
It's off to court you go!
You're now too late!
They'll litigate!
Oh no!  Oh no, oh no!

Oh no!  Oh no!
There's no case high or low
For Disney's taste
It's you they'll waste
Oh no!  Oh no, oh no, oh no!

They sue sue sue sue sue sue sue,
'cause it's "trade-mark in-fringe-ment!"
They sue sue sue sue sue sue sue -
they never seem to quit
But when it's their turn, they won't show
That Kimba came thirty years a-go!
They are glad!  They are glad!
That Te-zu-ka is-n't mad!

Oh no!  Oh no!
The Disney lawyer show
(Whistle)

Oh no, oh no, oh no!
Oh no, oh no!
Let's hope DIS' 'n' DAT won't go!
(Whistle)

Oh no!  Oh no, oh no, oh no!  Oh no!

Top Ten Other Reasons that Sparky Resigned

DIS' 'n' DAT is saddened to note that Disney Studio Chief Jeffrey Katzenberg has announced his resignation. It has been rumored for months that his reasons are apparent, however, one of our Disney Inciters (Deep Bypass) has informed us that there were other mitigating factors that helped him make his decision.

Since we know that our readers want the real low-down on this, DIS' 'n' DAT presents, from the home office of "I'll Sue" City:

Top Ten Other Reasons that Sparky Resigned
10.
Having office moved next to the mail room was the last straw.
9.
Animators threatened a walkout when he suggested that they should redo the animation for _Pocahontas_ and make the two main characters a Meerkat and a Wart Hog.
8.
Waiters at Morton's always keep calling him "Woody."
7.
Eisner re-appropriated money for _Cabin Boy II_ to make yet another Mighty Ducks movie called, _D3: In 3-D_.
6.
Having to spend every Tuesday and Thursday in that damn mouse suit with kids slobbering all over him got to be too much.
5.
Broadway's _Beauty and the Beast: A New Musical_ only got one crummy Tony award.
4.
Just found out that it was his own Picasso that he gave to Robin Williams.
3.
First pencil tests from _Hunchback_ shows Quasimodo as a short, balding runt with glasses.
2.
Really needs to settle down and spend some "quality time" with his accountants.
And the number one other reason that Sparky resigned...
1.
Finally gave up after unsuccessful attempt to alter the theme parks' "Hidden Mickeys" to "Hidden Jeffreys."

DIS' 'n' DAT is an on-line newsletter published monthly by Larry Gensch. Copyright (c) 1994 Larry Gensch, except where individual copyright is retained by the authors. All rights reserved. Anything may be reprinted in whole or in part with proper attribution to DIS' 'n' DAT. With the exception of paid commercials, all incidents, situations, and events depicted or described in DIS' 'n' DAT are fictional, and any similarity, without satiric intent, of characters presented therein to living persons, toons, alleged NHL teams, or Disney executives or lawyers is purely coincidental. So get a life, OK?

CONTRIBUTIONS

Contributions to DIS' 'n' DAT are ALWAYS welcome! People wishing to contribute should send email to the publication at the internet address "lar3ry@mv.mv.com." Please state explicitly if you wish to retain copyright or anonymity for any material submitted. The editor assumes no liability for unsolicited material of any kind.

STAFF

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF / PUBLISHER

lar3ry gensch <lar3ry@mv.mv.com>

CONTRIBUTING EDITOR

Amberle Ferrian <amberle@epx.cis.umn.edu>

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