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                    "All Disney news fitted to print"

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Volume 1 Number  4                                         July 93 Edition
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                 Special rec.arts.disney FAQ Parody Issue

                      (with apologies to Tom Tanida)

In this issue...

rec.arts.disney FAQ List
Find the Hidden Mickey...
Are you a true Disney-phile?

rec.arts.disney FAQ List

The purpose of this list is to reduce the number of stupid questions from stupid people that flood the rec.arts.disney newsgroup. If this list performs its job well, and everybody reads this list, then the number of articles posted to the newsgroup should dwindle to zero. Now THAT is a goal worth attaining...

Send comments, corrections, suggestions, inside information, and bank notes to the editor of DIS' 'n' DAT. If you would like a PostScript version of this document, tough.

Please note that there is no mention of a certain NHL expansion team in this issue of DIS' 'n' DAT either...

Section I- Questions General questions:

0): Some information about rec.arts.disney
1): What are the Disney animated feature films? Which of the films have been released on videocassette?
2): Where can I get a copy of {Cinderella, Lady and the Tramp, other hard to find video(s)}?
2b): Can I get Song of the South in the US? Why doesn't Disney release this in the US?
3): Where can I get Disney-related GIF (JPEG, etc.) pictures?
4): What are serigraph cels? Are they "real" cels?
5): What art galleries sell Disney cels?
6): To what degree are computers being used in Disney animated films today?
6b): Since computers are being used quite a bit in Disney films now, does that mean there are no "genuine" cels from the movies?
7): I heard that Walt Disney is in cryogenic suspension. Is this true?
8): Who did the voice of {Ariel, Belle, my favorite Disney character}?
9): How do I get a job working for Disney?
10): Is Goofy a dog, a horse, or what?
11): How can I get the song lyrics to {The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, etc.}?
12): What are the Magic Kingdom Club benefits?
13): What are the stockholder benefits?
14): What is Club 33?
15): What are the names of Ariel's sisters in The Little Mermaid?
16): What are the Disney Stores?
17): Who are the "nine old men"?
18): Who are the current Disney animators?
19): Where can I get the movie poster for {Beauty and the Beast, other Disney movie}?
20): Where can I find a particular Disney book? How can I find an original version of a book that Disney adapted into a movie?
21): I remember a scene from Peter Pan where Tinkerbell is dying (having borne the brunt of the explosion from Captain Hook's trick present to Peter), and the audience is asked to clap to bring her back to life. Why isn't it on the Disney video?
22): What was the first Disney film ever to receive a PG rating?
23): What are some "in-jokes" in the Disney films?
24): Commonly used Disney terms and abbreviations on the Internet
25): Who does the voice of the singing merchant at the beginning of the film Aladdin?
99): Where can I get more Disney info?
100): Who does the DIS' 'n' DAT newsletter?

Section II - Answers to General Questions

0): Some information about rec.arts.disney

rec.arts.disney is a Usenet newsgroup devoted to the discussion of all things Disney-related. This includes Universal Studios and all other theme parks, any animated film at all, the current exchange rate for the Canadian dollar, and how wonderful the latest issue of DIS' 'n' DAT is.

1): What are the Disney animated feature films? Which of the films have been released on videocassette?

Disney has never released any animated feature films. You must be hallucinating.

2): Where can I get a copy of {Cinderella, Lady and the Tramp, other hard to find video(s)}?

In general, Disney releases an unlimited number of videos. As they are purchased, Disney simply makes more tapes.

However, there are unscrupulous "collectors" that go into the video stores and purchase every available copy of certain videos. These people purchase the videos faster than Disney can manufacture them. Hence, you go into your favorite store and find that Cinderella is gone.

It is a shame that these practices go on. If you wish to get a copy of one of these hard to find videos, just drop me a line (any video, only $999.99 in U.S. funds).

2b): Can I get Song of the South in the US? Why doesn't Disney release this in the US?

Disney will not release Song of the south because of all the senseless violence that occurs between Brer Fox, Brer Bear, and Brer Rabbit.

3): Where can I get Disney-related GIF (JPEG, etc.) pictures?

I can sell you some.

4): What are serigraph cels? Are they "real" cels?

Serigraph cels are the opposite of funnigraph cels, and depict serious moments in an animated feature.

5): What art galleries sell Disney cels?

She sells Disney cels by the sea shore.

6): To what degree are computers being used in Disney animated films today?

All animation is currently being done using Amigas.

7): I heard that Walt Disney is "cryopreserved"/"in cryogenic suspension." Is this true? Certainly. There are currently plans to put him on permanent display in a new EPCOT facility, to be sponsored by Sealtest Ice Cream.
8): Who did the voice of {Ariel, Belle, my favorite Disney character}?

Rent the damn videos and look at the credits, you moron!

9): How do I get a job working for Disney?

If your last name is Disney and you can prove a family connection, it's real easy.

10): Is Goofy a dog, a horse, or what?

Goofy is a rodent (or is it a marsupial?).

11): How can I get the song lyrics to {The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, etc}?

Watch the video, and use the rewind and pause buttons. Write the lyrics on paper.

12): What are the Magic Kingdom Club benefits?

You get a card with a picture of Mickey Mouse on it. If you try to get your 10% discount at the Disney Stores, the sales clerks will laugh at you.

13): What are the stockholder benefits?

Disney shareholders no longer get any benefits. The company is really ticked off by the number of people who have the nerve to purchase Walt Disney Company shares.

The management is currently looking to some way to penalize shareholders, such as making them wear really gaudy hats with Mickey Mouse ears and a propeller.

14): What is Club 33?

Club 33 is the name of an exclusive club located in Disneyland. In return for paying a ridiculous amount of money, members are treated to paying even more ridiculous amounts of money for food and entrance to the park.

In a recent interview, WDC Chairman Michael Eisner said that the existence of the club proves that you can indeed fool some people all of the time.

15): What are the names of Ariel's sisters in The Little Mermaid?

Happy, Sleepy, Sneezy, Doc, Dopey, Bashful, and Grumpy.

16): What are the Disney Stores?

The Disney Stores are a chain of stores that offer Disney merchandise at inflated prices. Most parents have found that stopping at a Disney store as their first stop in the mall, they can drop their children off in front of the large television screen in the store, and go shopping without the burden of the kids being around.

Magic Kingdom Club members get 10% discount at these stores, making the normal 50% markup much more bearable (refer to question 12).

17): Who were the "nine old men"?

In the 56 years after the release of Snow White in 1937, the Seven Dwarfs have aged considerably. Two were added to the group, named Senility and Incontinent, making the total nine.

18): Who are the current Disney animators?

There are no longer any Disney animators, since all animation is now done by computers (refer to question 6).

19): Where can I get the movie poster for {Beauty and the Beast, other Disney movie}?

Those same unscrupulous people mentioned in question 2 are also responsible for purchasing all the posters as well.

20): Where can I find a particular Disney book? How can I find an original version of a book that Disney adapted into a movie?

Try a library.

21): I remember a scene from Peter Pan where Tinkerbell is dying (having borne the brunt of the explosion from Captain Hook's trick present to Peter), and the audience is asked to clap to bring her back to life. Why isn't it on the Disney video?

The scene was judged too harsh for children and so it was clipped from the movie.

22): What was the first Disney film ever to receive a PG rating?

The Black Hole, originally given an X rating, but was was rerated to PG after Disney removed most of the sex scenes.

23): What are some "in-jokes" in the Disney films?

There are never any jokes in any of their films.

24)

Commonly used Disney terms and abbreviations on the Internet

Term: Meaning
ADD: Opposite of SUBTRACT
BatB: BatBoy -- Batman as a child
Cast Member: Person on screen in a film
Code 101: Dalmations tape found in a store
Costume: What you wear on Halloween.
DL: Dirty Laundry (code name of new Disney biography subtitled Hollywood's Dark Prince)
EPCOT
ER: Earned Run (baseball term)
FAQ: What Joe Friday wants all of
Guest: What Belle is supposed be (Be our...)
MK: Mickey's Kite - a classic animated short from the 30's
MKC: Mickey's Kite Continued - second part of MK
MSEP: Must See Early Premier
O&C: Onions and Cheddar
On-Stage: Where the stagecoach customers ride.
r.a.d: rejuvenate after death (Frozen Walt's final instructions)
RDO: Rabbit Death Ordered (reference to competition from Warner Brother's animated shorts)
RDU: Rabbit Death Unsuccessful (see RDO)
SotS: Management's term for people that purchase Disney stock hoping to get discounts.
TBC: To Be Continued
TDS: The Discovery Channel - Disney Channel's competition
TGMD: Those Godd*m Mickey Dolls
TLM: Tour Louisiana in May
WDW: What Disney Wants (money, money, money)

25)

Who does the voice of the singing merchant (the Peddler) at the beginning of the film Aladdin?

Why ask me?

99): Where can I get more Disney info?

Thaw Walt out and ask him yourself.

100): Who does the DIS' 'n' DAT newsletter?

This information is considered classified due to a legal document that arrived a little while ago. Would you believe that some people actually take offense to some of this stuff???

Find the Hidden Mickey...

Due to the fact that Roger Turkelbury is going on an extended vacation, the Hidden Mickey contest is on hiatus for two months.

The contest will reappear in Volume 1 Number 6 of DIS' 'n' DAT (September 93) with some of the enormous number of responses that we have received.

Side note to eisner@disney.com... what do you mean there is no hidden Mickey??? And were YOU the one responsible for that legal document I received last week?

Are you a true Disney-phile?

Do you think you may be a Disney-phile? Does your fist naturally go for the "f" (follow-up) key whenever a question is asked (in any context) in rec.arts.disney? (If your name is R. Cook, I know that answer already.)

The following test can determine if your are a true Disney-phile. This is a trivia exam that any real Disney fanatic could answer without having to hunt in a bunch of books.

To qualify as a true Disney-phile, you need to know all the answers to the following questions. The answers are not provided. A true Disney fanatic would know if his/her answers are correct, just like asking any kid which side of a two-way street the car travels on (Shut up, you Ozzies!).

DIS' 'n' DAT Official
"Are You A Disney-phile Trivia Quiz"
1.: Walt always claimed that Mickey was "conceived" during a train ride back after he lost Oswald. What was the name of the conductor that punched Mr. Disney's ticket when he first boarded that train?
2.: Goofy, also known as "Dippy Dawg" or "the Goof," was voiced by the great voice actor Pinto Colvig. Exactly how many times has the word "Gawrsh" been uttered by the Goofster in all the animated shorts, television appearances (not including reruns), and episodes of "Goof Troop?"
3.: [Easy question to let the Wannabes get one right:] Where is the Boysenberry tree?
4.: How many grains of sand encircle Bay Lake at Walt Disney World?
5.: What is the value of the metallic content of all the Oscars, Emmy awards, Golden Globe awards, etc. that have been won by Disney films?
6.: Annette and Hayley were two of Disney's live action actresses during the fifties and sixties. Since 1957, how many children were born with the name "Annette" or "Hayley?"
7.: Who is prettier: Belle or Ariel?
8.: In the 50's Television series "Zorro," how many times was the word "Senor" or "Senorita" spoken?
9.: How many photographs and snapshots have been taken at Disneyland since it opened?
10.: What was the name of the owl that Walt stomped to death?

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DIS' 'n' DAT is published semi-regularly by Larry Gensch. Nothing may be reprinted in whoe or in part without attribution to DIS' 'n' DAT.

All incidents, situations, and events depicted or described in DIS' 'n' DAT are fictional, and any semblance to real life is really, you know, coincidental.

People wishing to contribute to DIS' 'n' DAT should send email to the publication at the internet address below. Please state explicitly if you wish to retain copyright or anonymity for any material submitted.

DIS' 'n' DAT / July 93 Edition / lar3ry@world.std.com