DDDDD IIIII SSSS ''' ''' ''' DDDDD A TTTTT D D I S S ''' ''' n ''' D D A A T D D I S ' ' nnnnnn ' D D A A T D D I SSSS ' ' n n ' D D A A T D D I S n n D D AAAAAAA T D D I S S n n D D A A T DDDDD IIIII SSSS n n DDDDD A A T "All Disney news fitted to print" __________________________________________________________________________ Volume 1 Number 9 December 93 Edition __________________________________________________________________________ In this issue... o A Reporter in Toon Town o Top Ten Theme Park Ideas Rejected by Disney o The Euro-Disney Financial Presentation Special "Best of DIS' 'n' DAT Section" o Future Animated Flix From Disney o Advertisement o Are you a true Disney-phile? o A Prehistory of DIS' 'n' DAT __________________________________________________________________________ A Reporter in Toon Town __________________________________________________________________________ [Editor's note: The following is the third in a monthly series of articles by Martin Delaney, one of DIS' 'n' DAT's ace reporters. Due to a number of unrelated computer hardware problems, the entire third chapter is not currently available. We present here the first half of the third chapter of our story. My deepest apologies to all if this article appears to end quite abruptly.] I have had weird assignments in the past; being a reporter for DIS' 'n' DAT tends to make the weird ones almost normal. For my current assignment, I have been turned into a Toon Dwarf named Dopey and have been instructed to interview some of the denizens of Toon Town. Since Dopey is mute, I have found that I can sort of "project" my thoughts to other toons and be understood. In the last two installments, I had a wonderful December 93 DIS' 'n' DAT Page 2 interview with Ariel, and spent a lovely evening with Belle and Gaston before retiring to my hotel room at the Toon Town Hill Ton. No sooner did my head hit the pillow than the bed seemed to caress me. One of the benefits of living with Toons, I thought to myself as I gently drifted off to sleep. I've heard that most humans dream in black and white, with an occa- sional color dream interspersed. I do know from experience that most dreams, although vivid, are forgotten soon after we awaken. The dreams I had that night were all in technicolor, and unforget- table. Almost immediately after closing my eyes, I heard the sounds of some goofy theme song. A bright dot appeared out of nowhere, and quickly grew in size until it occupied my entire eyesight. I noticed that the dot was some sort of a logo - a title card, as it were - that proudly announced the title ("A Dream"). The music got more frenetic as the credits were presented: Starring Dopey Produced by Dopey Directed by Dopey I smiled inwardly as I recognized my character's name. On the bottom of the credits, it announced that it was "A Maroon Cartoon," and the cred- its disappeared. The scene faded to a humble, quiet house, with myself relaxing com- fortably in a reclining chair reading the latest DIS' 'n' DAT. I was jarred from my reverie by my three nephews, Henny, Denny, and Lenny, who barged into the room with cap guns, cowboy hats, and a pet dog named Plato. These fellows raised quite a ruckus that started with the total destruction of the house, followed within five minutes by the total nuclear annihilation of the entire planet. As the planet was reduced to rubble shooting in all directions, the scene faded, followed by the fading out of the theme song. I knew I got a sudden chill at my own dreamed demise, and was star- tled when the theme song started up again, and another title came into focus announcing "The Second Dream." There I was, back in my reclining chair. This time, instead of three nephews, I had two chipmunk antagonists, Chris and Dave. I somehow man- aged to irritate those two chipmunks for some reason or other which was never really quite made clear to me, and within five minutes, my house had been completely destroyed (again), followed by the destruction of the planet (again). These dreams went on and on all night; about ten every hour. The plot lines were mostly the same, with minor variations in the characters. Louie, the French Chef, made a guest appearance as he tried to help me skewer Chris and Dave; Benny the Cab attempted to take my nephews and I to a park, all with disastrous results. I was awakened from this monotony by the most horrendous sound that I had ever heard. Just before opening my eyes, however, I thought that I noticed a writer for Disney in the background taking notes. December 93 DIS' 'n' DAT Page 3 The noise belonged to an alarm clock, which didn't ring any bell or play any tunes from the radio. Instead, it emitted an ear-piercing siren that drove me out of my bed, out of my pajamas, and into the shower. Like it or not, I was going to be made ready for yet another day in Toon Town. In the shower, I reached for the knob to turn on the water. I was greeted with a loud "W - H - O - O - O - A - A - H" from the nozzle over- head. I looked up in surprise. "Hey, there! You sure did give me a turn!" I recognized the line. Didn't you play a doorknob in Alice - "Yeah!" explained the spout. "They have me play all sorts of inani- mate objects." He looked a bit dejected. "Not many parts for inanimate objects in Pocahontas or Lion King, though." Well, um, could I have some water? "Oh, sure!" He brightened up and let loose a spray of cool but invigorating Toon water. I lost myself in reverie as I showered and started to anticipate what the day had in store for me. I looked up as the spray of water ended ("Even in Toon Town we need to conserve water!"), pulled out my Toon box and pulled out a sash. I pulled on the sash and I rolled up like a window shade. The water squeezed out as the shade flapped and flapped. I reached out, pulled the sash again and was back to `normal' (if being a Toon could ever be thought of as being normal) as well as dry. I just realized that I was starting to think like a Toon! What would be next? Doc's voice startled me from my thoughts. "Ah, Dopey! I see you are all ready for a new day's adventures," he giggled. Yeah. What's the agenda today? "I thought we'd go to Little Italy and meet a few of the residents there." Little Italy? Who would we meet there? "Well, we could start out with a little wooden boy..." I brightened up. Pinocchio! One of my favorite movies! "You can always tell a first-timer here. Always star struck!" Up until now I hadn't notice Grumpy's presence. He was standing behind Doc next to Happy with his arms folded in front of him and tapping his left foot impatiently. I thought to myself that this was the classic Grumpy pose. I regret- ted not being able to take any pictures. "Well," asked Grumpy, "are we going to stay here all morning?" "All right, Grumpy," answered Doc. "C'mon Dopey. Let's get hop- ping!" He turned and started heading outside the hotel room towards he December 93 DIS' 'n' DAT Page 4 elevator. Um, couldn't we use the stairs? I asked, remembering the unforget- table ride up on the elevator. "Oh, Dopey. Don't be such a coward!" growled Grumpy. Just at that moment, the elevator door opened. Grumpy's outburst had annoyed me to the point that I stepped into the elevator, not noticing Happy and Doc's cries for me to stop. As I stepped inside, I could have sworn that I saw Grumpy grin. I stood inside the elevator, and noticed for the first time the looks of dismay on Doc and Happy. Grumpy simply pointed down. I looked. The elevator shaft was empty! I started to plummet down the shaft, not even able to generate a decent Toon scream. Somehow, I landed on the bottom floor, right next to Droopy, who was standing on some milk cartons with the elevator control in his hand. "Watch out for that first step..." he drawled. I stepped out, hastily, and emerged in the lobby. At that moment, the three other dwarfs came in from the stairwell, the two admonishing Grumpy. "You KNOW that he's not used to being a Toon yet," complained Doc. "I'm not gonna be his babysitter!" he growled in response, and then stormed off. We walked out of the lobby and onto the sidewalk. I heard a faintly recognizable jazz theme and turned in the direction of the music. To my surprise, a pink feline was strolling nonchalantly down the sidewalk away from me. The Pink Panther! I thought excitedly. "C'mon, Dopey. You're going in the wrong direction!" Happy gestured with his thumb in the opposite direction. At that exact moment, I heard the screech of tires and Benny's Brook- lyn accent "Where to, Mac?" The car turned to me and said "Oh, hi again, Dopey." [TO BE CONTINUED...] __________________________________________________________________________ Top Ten Theme Park Ideas Rejected by Disney __________________________________________________________________________ With all the hooplah surrounding the new Virginia theme park and its America theme, we have contacted one of our Disney Inciters (Deep Whiskers), and found out that the America theme was not the only idea con- sidered for the attraction. A number of other ideas were tossed about and rejected for various reasons. In our quest for making these kinds of things public, we now present... December 93 DIS' 'n' DAT Page 5 Top Ten Theme Park Ideas Rejected by Disney 10. Get With The Program! Lie down on a busy road and die. 9. The Miracle of Sponges 8. Tinker-Toy Land 7. The Woody Allen look-alike festival featuring the audioanimatronic Jeffrey Katzenberg. 6. Beavis and Butthead present "The Fires of California" 5. The Australian Chunder Challenge 4. The Wonders of Euro-Disney 3. Seven Flags over Virginia 2. Worlds Largest Twig Collection And the number one theme park idea that was rejected by Disney for its new Virginia park is... 1. Dan Quayle Presents Artificial Unintelligence __________________________________________________________________________ The Euro-Disney Financial Presentation __________________________________________________________________________ There have been a lot of news stories stating, speculating, and expostulating about the financial condition of the European theme park operations. In all the news stories, Disney doesn't have too many com- ments except to state that they are expecting an eventual turn-around. Here at DIS' 'n' DAT, we have gotten an advance copy of the financial report for Euro-Disney and have decided to put it to music. We think it would be most appropriate if it were sung by an orange Jamaican crab... The theme park is always crowded In somebody else's place. You think about going out there But that is a big mistake. Just look at our park around you, Right here in la belle Francais -- There's surely no crowds around here, But that's now how the newsmen say. Under da floor! Under da floor! Madam, there's plenty Here where it's empty. There's space here galore! In Florida, dey have the crowds, In Anaheim, Fantasmic's too loud! While here it is quiet But no one will buy it It's under da floor! December 93 DIS' 'n' DAT Page 6 In Paris all the guests is happy, As they ride all the rides five times. The guests in U.S. ain't happy, Spending all their time on lines! But guests in the states is lucky, They in for a worser fate -- There's terror and fear and danger Getting shot on the Interstate! Under da floor! Under da floor! Nobody shoot us, rape us, or loot us To make a score. We here in France are more refined It's just our prices robbing you blind. We got no troubles, Drinking our bubbles Under da floor! Under da floor! Under da floor! Since life is slow here No guests ever show here At least any more. Even the morbid and the sick They all get bored and leave real quick. Spending a pittance Pushing attendance Under da floor! The Brits call it quits The Yanks say "No thanks!" The French say "It's stench!" And spending no francs. Snow White says "Not Right!" And Belle says "It's hell!" Judge Doom is the voice of gloom. The Goof says "Show proof!" The mouse empties house The Duck says "We're f*cked!" As profits they douse The young and the old They say "It's too cold!" And Oh! those crowds don't show. Under da floor! Under da floor! Madam, there's plenty Here where it's empty There's space here galore! In Florida, dey have the crowds, In Anaheim, Fantasmic's too loud! While here it is quiet But no one will buy it It's under da floor! December 93 DIS' 'n' DAT Page 7 Under da floor! Under da floor! There is no singing Or registers ringing Here anymore. What do we got? A lot of drunks? Standard and Poore's dropped us two rungs. Each brand new day, here That's what they say, here -- We're under da floor! We start to dread, here Going to bed, here Under da floor! Every news story Cutting our glory We're spending money But it's just not funny We're out of luck, here That's why we're stuck, here Under da floor! __________________________________________________________________________ Future Animated Flix From Disney First Published May 1993 __________________________________________________________________________ The Walt Disney Company has announced, and is working on, two new animated features, ``The Lion King'' and ``Pocahontas'' to be released in 1994. These movies have been discussed at length in other media and it makes no sense to rehash any tidbits about them. At DIS' 'n' DAT, we were curious about what animated features would be released after these two. Apart from some gossip, which we love to repeat anyway, WDC has been silent. Sequel mania seems to be hitting all over Disney, with a sequel to ``Fantasia,'' a prequel to ``Who Framed Roger Rabbit?'', and something called ``Silly Hillbillies'' that seems to us like ``Spaced Invaders Meet Jed Clampbett.'' We decided to do some rummaging through our information sources, and a Disney inciter, Deep Ears, has come through. Yes, we are told, Disney has its sights set on sequels, but the most interesting of them brings together two relatively recent Disney classics: ``The Aristocats Meet 101 Dalmations.'' The plot, we are told, is that Roger, Pongo's ``pet'' in the original 101D, moves his Dalmation Plantation to France (a plug for Euro-Disney is sure to be inserted), where they meet the cast from The Aristocats. This is an apparently an attempt to cash in on the current success of action pictures like ``Lethal Weapon,'' ``Rambo,'' etc. because all of the storyboards show fur flying and characters being thrown all around. To our taste, this seems more like Disney's attempt to capture the classic Warner Brother's style from the 40's and 50's. What other projects can we expect? December 93 DIS' 'n' DAT Page 8 ``The Little Mermaid'' will have her own sequel, where Ariel and Eric become activists and start an organization that pickets seafood markets, restaurants, Sea World [apparently a snipe at Disney's competition in the Theme Park business], and other places where sea creatures are killed or shamelessly exploited. The counter movement is called ``Les Poissons'', and are spear-headed by Chef Louie from the original TLM movie. Although we have not yet seen the storyboards for this one, we understand that ref- erences will be made to such current events involving abortion rights/pro- life groups and AIDS activism. Ariel and Eric (accompanied by Sebastian and Flounder) evolve from peaceful demonstration to blowing up entire theme parks. The climax, we are told, will feature Monstro the Whale from ``Pinocchio.'' ``Aladdin'' will have its own sequel that features less of the main characters from the original movie and focuses on the Genie and Abu (the monkey). Robin Williams, who played the voice of the supreme sorceror in the original film, could not be reached for comment, as he was working on the promotional materials for the forthcoming video release of ``Toys.'' We were told that this particular project is still a bit ``iffy.'' I am sorry to disappoint ``Beauty and the Beast'' fans, but there is no plan as yet to give Belle and the as-yet unnamed Prince any sequel. This may change if the current plans for BATB on Broadway gets better than expected reception. Disney Afternoon viewers may want to watch for a return of Hewie, Dewie, and Louie in a new series called ``The Mighty Ducks - The Animated Series,'' to be sponsored locally in the greater Los Angeles area by the Anaheim NHL expansion franchise. __________________________________________________________________________ Advertisement First Published June 1993 __________________________________________________________________________ An artist... A genius... The most influential person of the twentieth century... All these terms have been used to describe one profound indi- vidual: Walter Elias Disney. Yes, the father of Mickey Mouse... of Dis- neyland... of "Saludos Amigos" can be yours for a limited time only. The Benjamin Mint is proud to offer this endearing portrait of the mysti- cal personality of Mr. Disney, created by the award winning minimalist artist Victor Memsley, whose works are sought after by collectors and law officers everywhere. Entitled "The Final Resting Place," this piece captures a piece of Walt's history in its depiction of a solid block of ice. Each work is hand- numbered and bordered in genuine plastic. Each bears the artist's signa- ture mark that has been connected with the artist in over five states on the bottom. Priced at $1499.95, this Limited Edition will be closed forever after just fifteen firing days, or when a certain court injunction is filed. Avail- able EXCLUSIVELY from the Benjamin Mint, 1515 Benjamin Place, Benjamin Heights, DC. SEND NO MONEY NOW... just let us know your credit card number (and account limit), and we will send you your just deserts when it becomes available. December 93 DIS' 'n' DAT Page 9 LIMIT ONE WORK PER CREDIT CARD PLEASE. Please allow four to sixty weeks for delivery. Offer void where prohib- ited, taxed, or where effective Consumer Affairs legislation has been enacted. __________________________________________________________________________ Are you a true Disney-phile? First Published July 1993 __________________________________________________________________________ Do you think you may be a Disney-phile? Does your fist naturally go for the "f" (follow-up) key whenever a question is asked (in any context) in rec.arts.disney? (If your name is R. Cook, I know that answer already.) The following test can determine if your are a true Disney-phile. This is a trivia exam that any real Disney fanatic could answer without having to hunt in a bunch of books. To qualify as a true Disney-phile, you need to know all the answers to the following questions. The answers are not provided. A true Disney fanatic would know if his/her answers are correct, just like asking any kid which side of a two-way street the car travels on (Shut up, you Ozzies!). DIS' 'n' DAT Official "Are You A Disney-phile Trivia Quiz" 1. Walt always claimed that Mickey was "conceived" during a train ride back after he lost Oswald. What was the name of the conduc- tor that punched Mr. Disney's ticket when he first boarded that train? 2. Goofy, also known as "Dippy Dawg" or "the Goof," was voiced by the great voice actor Pinto Colvig. Exactly how many times has the word "Gawrsh" been uttered by the Goofster in all the animated shorts, television appearances (not including reruns), and episodes of "Goof Troop?" 3. [Easy question to let the Wannabes get one right:] Where is the Boysenberry tree? 4. How many grains of sand encircle Bay Lake at Walt Disney World? 5. What is the value of the metallic content of all the Oscars, Emmy awards, Golden Globe awards, etc. that have been won by Disney films? 6. Annette and Hayley were two of Disney's live action actresses dur- ing the fifties and sixties. Since 1957, how many children were born with the name "Annette" or "Hayley?" 7. Who is prettier: Belle or Ariel? 8. In the 50's Television series "Zorro," how many times was the word "Senor" or "Senorita" spoken? 9. How many photographs and snapshots have been taken at Disneyland since it opened? 10. What was the name of the owl that Walt stomped to death? December 93 DIS' 'n' DAT Page 10 __________________________________________________________________________ A Prehistory of DIS' 'n' DAT First Published September 1993 __________________________________________________________________________ [Editor's note: There seem to be a lot of people who read DIS' 'n' DAT and want to know a) where it came from, b) what it is, and mostly c) why is it here. We actually have a proud and colorful history, and for the first time in print, we are revealing it to the world...] In the mid-1930's, Walt Disney had a vision. He and his animation staff created the first successful animated feature with Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. At approximately the same time, another genius had a different vision. He created the first USENET newsletter devoted to pok- ing fun at the Disney organization. It presented its first issue elec- tronically on January 1, 1938; a landmark achievement because the newslet- ter preceded USENET by forty years or so. Even though an audience has been lacking for most of its lifetime, this genius persevered, at times risking the wrath of the Disney organiza- tion. The editor was sure that they were listening; he personally emailed copies of the newsletter to wed@disney.com, but it seemed to be studio policy to simply ignore DIS' 'n' DAT's existence. In the late forties, it was DIS' 'n' DAT that brought up the fact that Disney had not really created any full-length animated features since Bambi, most "features" released being compilations of shorter subjects. The studio quickly brought out Cinderella in 1950. During the fifties, DIS' 'n' DAT was snubbed and not given press passes to the opening of Dis- neyland. We attended anyway, and our suggestion in our opening day spe- cial issue ("Really neat, but it needs a Matterhorn Mountain") was actu- ally taken to heart by Disney. In the late fifties, the editor thought that the Sherman brothers songwriting team, famous for the pop standard "You're Sixteen," would be great for scoring Disney features. Disney shortly picked them up for "Mary Poppins" and many other films. We mourned the passing of Walt Dis- ney in 1966, but had pressed the company to continue Walt's work down in Florida, which became the very successful Walt Disney World (DIS' 'n' DAT was also denied press passes to opening day ceremonies). In the late seventies, we lamented the long delays between releases of new animated features, and in the early 80's we suggested that they hire a new CEO, with the qualifications of a man like Michael Eisner. They did, and the Disney organization is thriving under his leadership, opening new Disney parks in Tokyo and France (and again, never once saying thank you by giving press passes to DIS' 'n' DAT). We persevered, and we made mention of a couple of promising composers on Broadway named Howard Ashman and Alan Menken. Afterwards, they were picked by the Disney orga- nization to write the songs and score for Academy Award winning The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast. The animation department is also ramp- ing up to provide one or more animated features to be released every year. Note that in April 1993, due to a bug in the issue numbering soft- ware, the counters all reset to one. At that time, the DIS' 'n' DAT newsletter found a permanent home in rec.arts.disney, and the newsletter continues to live up to its credo... "All Disney news fitted to print." December 93 DIS' 'n' DAT Page 11 And, we know that somewhere, somehow, someone at the Disney organiza- tion is keeping a close eye on it... __________________________________________________________________________ DIS' 'n' DAT is an on-line newsletter published semi-regularly by Larry Gensch. Nothing may be reprinted in whole or in part without attri- bution to DIS' 'n' DAT. All incidents, situations, and events depicted or described in DIS' 'n' DAT are fictional, and any semblance to real life is really, you know, coincidental. People wishing to contribute to DIS' 'n' DAT should send email to the publication at the internet address "lar3ry@world.std.com." Please state explicitly if you wish to retain copyright or anonymity for any material submitted. AVAILABILITY DIS' 'n' DAT is posted to the Usenet newsgroup rec.arts.disney usu- ally a day or two prior to the calendar month of the issue date. Two mailing lists are also maintained for this newsletter. If you wish to be placed on one of them, please send email to "lar3ry@world.std.com" and state that you wish to receive either the ASCII version or the PostScript version. The following ftp archives contain back issues of DIS' 'n' DAT: 1. garfield.catt.ncsu.edu:/pub/Disney/info/dnd-* 2. yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au:/pub/rec.arts.disney/creative/dnd/* If you have an ftp site or Bulletin Board System that wishes to allow anonymous users to retrieve past issues (via ftp, mail server, or down- loading) please send email with information to me at lar3ry@world.std.com. December 93